Occupation: Head Writer of Televised Direct Marketing at Brighter Future Discoveries, Incorporated
Past: After a cover story in Advert Monthly named him as a wunderkind in advertising, Drewford left his job as a writer of 30-second spots to a business where his manipulative writing could flourish: informercials.
Due to Divine oversight, has gone his whole life without emotional hardships or major injuries. This has left him with an inability to deal with minor issues, which have added up to compendium of pet peeves and irritants. A mooching brother, an outgoing boss, religious parents and a hands-on Creator only exacerbate things.
Pet Peeve: A lot, but misuse of "literally" is pretty high up there.
Occupation: Not applicable.
Past: After graduating from college, immediately went to crash on his older brother's couch, to avoid having to live with his conservative parents.
Smokes constantly, drinks professionally, has a encyclopedic knowledge of controlled substances and is never without money despite not having a job. Has a dream of opening his own zeppelin airline, "Zepp."
Extremely susceptible to trends, fads and demographic-specific marketing.
Pet Peeve: Gay Christians.
Occupation: Co-Host of Hillsboro's number two morning radio show: Cedric and "The Beak."
Past: The last surviving dodo bird and Drewford's best friend.
He fancies himself a ladies' man, and is on Drewford's case trying to impart his knowledge. First course of action: getting Drewford to stop hanging out with so many homos.
Pet Peeve: The Portuguese. All of them.
Occupation: Director of Televised Direct Marketing at Brighter Future Discovers, Incorporated.
Past: In high school, he was -- unbeknownst to him -- Drewford's academic rival, who consistently, and with little effort, surpassed Drewford.
Now serves as Drewford's direct supervisor at BFD and irritates Drewford with his easy-going managerial style, suggestions at how Drewford could be more of a team player and his insistence on wearing sneakers with a suit.
Pet Peeve: Being viewed as a "suit."
Occupation: Senior in High School / Cashier at Christian & Christian Retailers
Past: Ormlu's current boyfriend. It's unclear as to whether his grating stupidity is due to his youth or a mental defect.
Has a tendency to talk in text-speak and to regale everyone with recaps of the latest episodes of Shrewish Trophy Wives.
Pet Peeve: Coffee-based drinks that taste like coffee.
Age: As old as the mountains; as young as the newest babe, or some crap like that.
Occupation: See name.
Past: Has defined Himself as the embodiment of perfect Truth, Justice, and Love (these claims remain unfounded). Has taken a particular interest in setting up Drewford to be His hobby, enjoying setting up minor inconveniences in Drewford's life for His own entertainment. Were Drewford to ever complain, He would not hesitate to sentence him to an eternity of unimaginable torture.
He loves us all.
Pet Peeve: Any one who questions His existence, which is unprovable by design.
About the Author
Born outside of Lansing, Michigan, Damon Rodiney Xanthopoulos has been drawing as long as he could remember. His first paying gig was at age 10, drawing covers for show programs with his local theater company. When he's not drawing Drewford, he is volunteering for his church, restoring antique cars or spending time with his family. He lives in Santa Monica with his wife, Kelly, and his two sons, Brendan and Jacob.